Valentines Day Date.
I remember my first Valentines date. I dressed up for valentines day. I had a red dress on and I had my hair styled for the special occasion. I dreamed of pink carnation. flowers and a few chocolates.
I waited for Maurice to arrive. The door bell of many chimes chimed a few tunes. I ran up from my basement apartment stairs to the back stairs. There was Maurice Dressed in a short jacket and sweater and a blue jeans. I tried to not to show it in facial expressions but I was disappointed. When Maurice came in he told me how great lovely I looked in my dress but I might be more comfortable in a pair of dress pants. I melted inside. The distress disappeared and I went and changed.
The evening begins with out a hitch.
We put our coats on and we drove to the restaurant. Everything seemed so perfect. I was out with a tall and dark handsome man. Maurice's brown eyes sparkled in delight. Oh how I loved a man with deep brown eyes.
We were seated at the restaurant and we ordered. I am not sure what Maurice ordered. I do remember what I ordered, Chicken - Parmasan. I savored the taste in my mouth. We talked about what we would do after dinner. Maurice sugguested we go to visit my sister and her husband and their little girl Andrea. So drove back to my apartment and phone my sister. They were free. We drove the hour to my sisters. We had cake and coffee . I watched Maurice and he warmed up to my niece Andrea who was 3 1/2 at the time. She drew him pictures. He appeared a bit nervous around my sister and her husband.
Meeting Family
After a little visit we started back for my place. Maurice stopped for gas. My stomach started to churn and I felt crampy with sharp pains. I was full of my own gas. I has hoping that this would be all I would experience. This was not to be the case. My stomach began to hurt mmore and splat my coat was covered. Maurice pulled over. to the side of the highway and again I threw up. I knew Maurice was proud of his new car and I was careful not to be sick in his car. I only managed to get the seat belt a bit. My new coat got the brunt of it. It upset me becasue my coat had been purchased from a Savings Bond that had been left to me from my Grandma.
Stomach Sickness - Car Spared
We arrived back to my apartment and I was sick once more. I wondered if I would get to the door so I asked Maurice to walk me to the door. Maurice had not learned some of the finer points about dating. They really should teach about dating to guys. I managed to get into my apartment in time to reach the washroom again.
Disappointment over Date
I phoned the Pastors wife in tears. I was so sick and I felt I had ruined my date with Maurice. My dreams of what a valentines date had been dashed. The pastors wife comforted me and helped me see that I hadn't ruined the date but these things happen. I slept in the living room that night. I maybe should have made my bed in the washroom.
Annual Sunday morning call. Reinforcements come~
The next morning the phone rang at 9 and it was mom. Mom always called me Sunday morning to see how we were doing. I told her what had happened with my Valentine date and how I had been up all night sick. Mom offered to come up. I siad yes please. I was dizzy and I couldn't stand on my feet I was so week. I contintued to sleep on the couch off and on. I managed to tell the lady upstairs mom was coming and then I was back into the washroom. It was so comforting to have mom there to help me. Mom did the clean up. I don't think I need to give the details! You can use your own imagination.
The next day Mom took me to the doctor to see whether I had food poisioning or not. I stayed home from work that day. It was nice to have moms company. My dad had only been gone 3 months and I was have a hard time with dad's passing. We both were able to comfort each other.
I was afraid that after being so sick that I would scare Maurice away. Well that fear was dashed. That year I was engaged to Maurice and A year later I was married to Maurice.
Mom had prayed after my dad had passed that a man would come into my life. God answered that prayer. Maurice is the love of my life. We have grown to love each other and Maurice is my best friend as well as my Valentine.
Our first Valentine celebration was in 1988. Maurice knows my likes and dislikes. He knows to buy flowers for Valentines and Mothers Day and our Anniversary. I am a mother to Pedro our 4 legged baby. I still don't dress up for Valentines date and I still don't like Chicken Parmesan. Mom is gone now but the memory of showing love to me after I was so sick willnever go forgotten.
For some of you who are wondering what does Maurice get? Never mind! none of your business. I do ramdamly get something at the store for him when we are out.
About Me
- Mother Mugs Baskets @Sewing
- Kitchener, Ontario,, Canada
- Mother Mugs was established May 2008 Author : Over whelmed by God's Grace Uncovering the Truth about Adoption
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Saturday, February 11, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Straight from My Heart
Writing Positive outlet
Writing has been a positive outlet for me to express my feelings. For years I stuffed my emotions down inside. At least I tried to keep them down. I heard you must be strong and to be strong you must not cry. I tried hold in my tears in. The more I held them in the more my tears poured out . The kids at school described like a water well and told me I was a cry baby. I had kids taunt me in the school tell me I was a disgrace to the school because I cried. Those words pierced me right to the core of my being. They cornered me in the school yard. I was petrified of these kids I felt frozen inside as I didn't know how I was going to get away from these kids who were tormenting me. A teacher saw what was happening and told the other kids to leave me away. He scolded for being so nasty to me.
Stuffed emotions
I continued to stuff down my feelings and felt quilty because I cried. The more I stuffed down my feelings the more I began to churn inside of nobody cares about me, the kids laugh at me. I must not be a loveable person because of the teasing I had had thru out my school experience. I began to feel blue inside. At 12 years old I shared with a girlfriend that I didn't want to live. I wanted to take my life. She listened to me and it helped but the desire of loathing myself persisted. I shared my feelings with a visiting Pastor and he told me I would go to hell if I took my life. I guess it kept me from harming myself but I still had those feelings. At 17 I tried to hurt myself while riding my bike.
Foolish decision
I foolishly asked the devil to take over as I was fed up with life and the rules of the church. I felt guilty for saying this as well. I continued to push things and I began to become more angry wtih people and the church. People had hurt me. I had hurt people.
I had some prayer ministry and I had some relief. I still struggled with depression. I continued to seek counsel. I started to heal.
Two years ago I began to stutter. I had a terrible headache that turned into a migrane. I had had some healing and I wanted to serve the Lord. I reached out for help but the person couldln't help me right away. I lashed out at this person and then I came to realize what I had done. I apologized. I then decided that this was not what God wanted me to do as I am so sensitive to the weather changes.
A friend helped me to sort out my angry feelings. I knew I couldn't cope any longer the way things were going. While in a counselling session She instructed me to get up and take up my body suit and mask I was hiding behind and step out. I stepped out into the light. I realize that I was a Princess a child of the King of Kings. I declared my loyalty to Jesus. I still have human moments with anger. I commit my life to Jesus and ask him to take control of my days. I was tempted recently to break a dish when I was angry and it was like a shield between me and the dish I stopped. I still have that dish. I have come to realize that tears are a prayer language to God. He collects them in a bottle and pours them on us as blessing. I find I now can express my feelings and say I am angry, or when I feel upset when this happens.
A month or so later after my stuttering problem I came to realize I was struggling with my worshiping Jesus. I felt stilted as I tried to sing. ONe afteroon after I had talked with a friend I realized I need to be filled with Holy Spirit. I asked the Holy Spirit to Fill me to overflowing. I did one more thing I received the Holy Spirit fillings. I started to babble and babble until the Holy Spirit poured the Holy oil on me. I was worshiping Jesus and I couldn't get even of Praising jesus. Not only did I start praising the Lord I started to see a change in how I interacted with people. I felt joy like I had never had before.
Put on the garment of Praise for the Spirit of heaviness.
Writing has been a positive outlet for me to express my feelings. For years I stuffed my emotions down inside. At least I tried to keep them down. I heard you must be strong and to be strong you must not cry. I tried hold in my tears in. The more I held them in the more my tears poured out . The kids at school described like a water well and told me I was a cry baby. I had kids taunt me in the school tell me I was a disgrace to the school because I cried. Those words pierced me right to the core of my being. They cornered me in the school yard. I was petrified of these kids I felt frozen inside as I didn't know how I was going to get away from these kids who were tormenting me. A teacher saw what was happening and told the other kids to leave me away. He scolded for being so nasty to me.
Stuffed emotions
I continued to stuff down my feelings and felt quilty because I cried. The more I stuffed down my feelings the more I began to churn inside of nobody cares about me, the kids laugh at me. I must not be a loveable person because of the teasing I had had thru out my school experience. I began to feel blue inside. At 12 years old I shared with a girlfriend that I didn't want to live. I wanted to take my life. She listened to me and it helped but the desire of loathing myself persisted. I shared my feelings with a visiting Pastor and he told me I would go to hell if I took my life. I guess it kept me from harming myself but I still had those feelings. At 17 I tried to hurt myself while riding my bike.
Foolish decision
I foolishly asked the devil to take over as I was fed up with life and the rules of the church. I felt guilty for saying this as well. I continued to push things and I began to become more angry wtih people and the church. People had hurt me. I had hurt people.
I had some prayer ministry and I had some relief. I still struggled with depression. I continued to seek counsel. I started to heal.
Two years ago I began to stutter. I had a terrible headache that turned into a migrane. I had had some healing and I wanted to serve the Lord. I reached out for help but the person couldln't help me right away. I lashed out at this person and then I came to realize what I had done. I apologized. I then decided that this was not what God wanted me to do as I am so sensitive to the weather changes.
A friend helped me to sort out my angry feelings. I knew I couldn't cope any longer the way things were going. While in a counselling session She instructed me to get up and take up my body suit and mask I was hiding behind and step out. I stepped out into the light. I realize that I was a Princess a child of the King of Kings. I declared my loyalty to Jesus. I still have human moments with anger. I commit my life to Jesus and ask him to take control of my days. I was tempted recently to break a dish when I was angry and it was like a shield between me and the dish I stopped. I still have that dish. I have come to realize that tears are a prayer language to God. He collects them in a bottle and pours them on us as blessing. I find I now can express my feelings and say I am angry, or when I feel upset when this happens.
A month or so later after my stuttering problem I came to realize I was struggling with my worshiping Jesus. I felt stilted as I tried to sing. ONe afteroon after I had talked with a friend I realized I need to be filled with Holy Spirit. I asked the Holy Spirit to Fill me to overflowing. I did one more thing I received the Holy Spirit fillings. I started to babble and babble until the Holy Spirit poured the Holy oil on me. I was worshiping Jesus and I couldn't get even of Praising jesus. Not only did I start praising the Lord I started to see a change in how I interacted with people. I felt joy like I had never had before.
Put on the garment of Praise for the Spirit of heaviness.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Straight From my Heart
I never realized it until today that I was sugar coating difficult areas in my life.
I realize the best way to write a blog is to pray before I write.
February, is the month that I have least like over the last couple of years. The reason behind this is my birth mother and father gave me up for adoption when I was 7 days old. I have been sworn to secrecy not to tell certain people in my family about my adoption as it has been a secret. We want your birth mom to save face.
My questions Why? My Response
53 years ago my birth mother gave up her legal rights at being my mother. She gave birth to me and I will be forever grateful to her. My birth mother is very much apart of me as my mom was. I have characteristics of both mothers.
Lets celebrate that I am here not the circumstances around my beginnings.
In February I am sad over the lost of my birth mother. In February I am sad because my mom is in heaven. I miss my mom.
These feelings have hung over my head for a long time. Saving face to spare someones feelings. Whispering and being quiet because I have written a book telling about my feelings about my adoption and my experience of finding out my beginnings.
Secrecy - My Life has not been hidden from God.
My family might have tried to cover up my beginnings to save face. My family were reluctant to tell me and hid it from me the truth.
I thank God that my frame was not hidden to God. He knew the circumstances of my adoption and loved me.
I am thankful that I was fearfully and wonderfully made by God.
Psalms 139: 7 Where can I flee from your presence.
Psalms 139:15 My frame was not hidden by God.
I am thankful that I have been able to write honestly and get what has been on my mind.
So Friends and Family my beginnings are apart of who I am. I cannot change my beginnings nor will I try to hide my life from others.
So I am celebrating 53 years of life. I am leaving behind the old feelings and exchanging them for celebrating that I am a chosen adopted child of the King of kings.
This has taken courage for me to write this. This has been liberating
I realize the best way to write a blog is to pray before I write.
February, is the month that I have least like over the last couple of years. The reason behind this is my birth mother and father gave me up for adoption when I was 7 days old. I have been sworn to secrecy not to tell certain people in my family about my adoption as it has been a secret. We want your birth mom to save face.
My questions Why? My Response
53 years ago my birth mother gave up her legal rights at being my mother. She gave birth to me and I will be forever grateful to her. My birth mother is very much apart of me as my mom was. I have characteristics of both mothers.
Lets celebrate that I am here not the circumstances around my beginnings.
In February I am sad over the lost of my birth mother. In February I am sad because my mom is in heaven. I miss my mom.
These feelings have hung over my head for a long time. Saving face to spare someones feelings. Whispering and being quiet because I have written a book telling about my feelings about my adoption and my experience of finding out my beginnings.
Secrecy - My Life has not been hidden from God.
My family might have tried to cover up my beginnings to save face. My family were reluctant to tell me and hid it from me the truth.
I thank God that my frame was not hidden to God. He knew the circumstances of my adoption and loved me.
I am thankful that I was fearfully and wonderfully made by God.
Psalms 139: 7 Where can I flee from your presence.
Psalms 139:15 My frame was not hidden by God.
I am thankful that I have been able to write honestly and get what has been on my mind.
So Friends and Family my beginnings are apart of who I am. I cannot change my beginnings nor will I try to hide my life from others.
So I am celebrating 53 years of life. I am leaving behind the old feelings and exchanging them for celebrating that I am a chosen adopted child of the King of kings.
This has taken courage for me to write this. This has been liberating
Monday, February 6, 2012
Straight From my Heart
I haven't written in my blog for a while. There has been a lot of weather changes upon weather changes. One minute it has been cold and we have snow and then the next minute we have Spring like weather. Today the sun was out and the sky was a pale blue and the air was nippy.
I don't talk to much about my challenges as I try not to dwell on the fact that my legs sometimes go out and sometimes I stutter or that I have a lot of pain. I dwell on the fact that I don't don't stutter as much and that my legs are getting stronger. I can walk better than I use to. I don't need a walker. I also want to let you know that I give Jesus honor and glory and God is helping me.
I have also had well meaning people tell me it is because there must be sin in my life why I am having these physcial challenges. I firmly believe that my challenges are to make me strong and to rely on God for everything.
I have come to realize that Each day is a gift from God. . I celebrate each day by finding what went well in my day of challenges. Trying to figure out sin and what I have done just tires me out.
You might ask Why don't you do such and such to fix the problem or go to the doctor. Unfortunately doctors have not taken me seriously and have told me it is in my head. Well that is usually were problems from my head! With a bad attitude about how I am feeling. Negative thoughts can cause the body to be sick.
I use to be angry person. I was angry that I fell off my bike and hurt my back. I use to be angry that the doctors didn't seem to listen to me. I was angry because my husband didn't have steady work. My anger grew into rage. I broke dishes lots of dishes and cried and cried because I thought God had given me a rotten deal in life. I had a lot of potty language. I was even angry at the church as well. My marriage got into trouble because of me being selfish and not wanting to think of hubbys needs as well as my own. Me me me. We couldn't have kids and we couldn't afford a house because of my husbands work situation. I was also trying to be someone I was not, a perfect person. I still struggle at times with anger but God has helped me to learn to control my anger. I slip but I confess my sin to God and he hears and forgives and I know my heart is right with God.
I am Grateful to God for Emotional Healing
I have received emotional healing from God. I realized I was trying to be someone I was not. I had to release my anger to Jesus and let him take it. I have a better attitude towards my husband and I love life. I love to live life
I am open to physical healing. I have left my healing up to Jesus to touch me in my body. I won't stoop to ever demanding God to heal me. God has ordained my days. I celebrate the days I am able to run without pain. I celebrate the strength that God has given to me to depend on him.
I am not perfect. I still struggle but now I am stronger to stand on my own with the Lord's help. I so love Jesus. He first loved me.
Great News
Some day I am going to get a new body. A new body that won't crack when I move my arms or knees. A speech that will be clear when I am Praising God. I will get whole new body!
Proverbs 3:5,6 Trust in the Lord with all your Heart
I don't talk to much about my challenges as I try not to dwell on the fact that my legs sometimes go out and sometimes I stutter or that I have a lot of pain. I dwell on the fact that I don't don't stutter as much and that my legs are getting stronger. I can walk better than I use to. I don't need a walker. I also want to let you know that I give Jesus honor and glory and God is helping me.
I have also had well meaning people tell me it is because there must be sin in my life why I am having these physcial challenges. I firmly believe that my challenges are to make me strong and to rely on God for everything.
I have come to realize that Each day is a gift from God. . I celebrate each day by finding what went well in my day of challenges. Trying to figure out sin and what I have done just tires me out.
You might ask Why don't you do such and such to fix the problem or go to the doctor. Unfortunately doctors have not taken me seriously and have told me it is in my head. Well that is usually were problems from my head! With a bad attitude about how I am feeling. Negative thoughts can cause the body to be sick.
I use to be angry person. I was angry that I fell off my bike and hurt my back. I use to be angry that the doctors didn't seem to listen to me. I was angry because my husband didn't have steady work. My anger grew into rage. I broke dishes lots of dishes and cried and cried because I thought God had given me a rotten deal in life. I had a lot of potty language. I was even angry at the church as well. My marriage got into trouble because of me being selfish and not wanting to think of hubbys needs as well as my own. Me me me. We couldn't have kids and we couldn't afford a house because of my husbands work situation. I was also trying to be someone I was not, a perfect person. I still struggle at times with anger but God has helped me to learn to control my anger. I slip but I confess my sin to God and he hears and forgives and I know my heart is right with God.
I am Grateful to God for Emotional Healing
I have received emotional healing from God. I realized I was trying to be someone I was not. I had to release my anger to Jesus and let him take it. I have a better attitude towards my husband and I love life. I love to live life
I am open to physical healing. I have left my healing up to Jesus to touch me in my body. I won't stoop to ever demanding God to heal me. God has ordained my days. I celebrate the days I am able to run without pain. I celebrate the strength that God has given to me to depend on him.
I am not perfect. I still struggle but now I am stronger to stand on my own with the Lord's help. I so love Jesus. He first loved me.
Great News
Some day I am going to get a new body. A new body that won't crack when I move my arms or knees. A speech that will be clear when I am Praising God. I will get whole new body!
Proverbs 3:5,6 Trust in the Lord with all your Heart
Friday, January 27, 2012
Straight From My Heart
This has been a interesting week.
Celebrations Big and Small
It might not be a big accomplishment to you but this week I was able to drive to church and back. I was able to walk in without my legs giving way. Coming out of church I struggled to get to the car. My legs were so weak and wobbling. A lot of prayer went up. I had to hang on to the car. I cried I don't like having to struggle to get from point A to B.
You might think Why didn't Margaret ask for help? Why didn't any one help her. Oh my friend there wasn't any one with Skin on but God came thru for me and helped me.
I have to celebrate the fact that I got to the car without falling or hurting myself with God's help. I celebrate the fact I was never alone. I made a choice to not this get me down.
I completed a sewing project. Until the sewing project has been given I will leave you in suspense what it is. I will say I have had a sense of accomplishment. I am pleased at starting and finishing a project.
I faced a fear this week. I faced a fear about something that might happen this week.
It was so built in my mind. I finally decided to share my concern with another person. She prayed with me. As soon as the concern was shared the power of that fear went away. I faced the fear and guess what it didn't come to pass.
I am learning that : God will meet all my needs Philippians 4:19
The Lord will renew my strength Isaiah 40:31
Cast all your Cares on him for he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
This week has had its ups and downs. I am finding joy in the good and not so good.
The joy of the Lord has been my strength and I am bubbling inside of how God is helping me. I find it hard to not be bubbling inside as We have an Awesome God who is trustworthy. Who keeps his word and never back outs on us. Who strengthens me when I am weak and gives me his power to carry on.
I learned
We need to invite God to be with us in every activity we are in. To commit our day to Jesus.
I was restless in a seminar on line this week. I realize that I need to pray before going to this seminar, I also reminded the lady who was leading the group that we the seminar needs to open in prayer. Jesus needs to be in our midst.
This song expresses my heart. It popped into my after 46 years. The year my Faith Journey began with Jesus.
Joy Joy my heart is filled with Joy. Joy Joy my heart is filled with Joy.
My Savior dear is ever near That's the reason why my heart is filled with Joy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have the Joy Joy down in my heart. I have the love Jesus in my heart.
.................................................................................................................
Its bubbling, It bubbling, It bubbling in my soul, ! Since Jesus made me Whole.
Celebrations Big and Small
It might not be a big accomplishment to you but this week I was able to drive to church and back. I was able to walk in without my legs giving way. Coming out of church I struggled to get to the car. My legs were so weak and wobbling. A lot of prayer went up. I had to hang on to the car. I cried I don't like having to struggle to get from point A to B.
You might think Why didn't Margaret ask for help? Why didn't any one help her. Oh my friend there wasn't any one with Skin on but God came thru for me and helped me.
I have to celebrate the fact that I got to the car without falling or hurting myself with God's help. I celebrate the fact I was never alone. I made a choice to not this get me down.
I completed a sewing project. Until the sewing project has been given I will leave you in suspense what it is. I will say I have had a sense of accomplishment. I am pleased at starting and finishing a project.
I faced a fear this week. I faced a fear about something that might happen this week.
It was so built in my mind. I finally decided to share my concern with another person. She prayed with me. As soon as the concern was shared the power of that fear went away. I faced the fear and guess what it didn't come to pass.
I am learning that : God will meet all my needs Philippians 4:19
The Lord will renew my strength Isaiah 40:31
Cast all your Cares on him for he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
This week has had its ups and downs. I am finding joy in the good and not so good.
The joy of the Lord has been my strength and I am bubbling inside of how God is helping me. I find it hard to not be bubbling inside as We have an Awesome God who is trustworthy. Who keeps his word and never back outs on us. Who strengthens me when I am weak and gives me his power to carry on.
I learned
We need to invite God to be with us in every activity we are in. To commit our day to Jesus.
I was restless in a seminar on line this week. I realize that I need to pray before going to this seminar, I also reminded the lady who was leading the group that we the seminar needs to open in prayer. Jesus needs to be in our midst.
This song expresses my heart. It popped into my after 46 years. The year my Faith Journey began with Jesus.
Joy Joy my heart is filled with Joy. Joy Joy my heart is filled with Joy.
My Savior dear is ever near That's the reason why my heart is filled with Joy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have the Joy Joy down in my heart. I have the love Jesus in my heart.
.................................................................................................................
Its bubbling, It bubbling, It bubbling in my soul, ! Since Jesus made me Whole.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Another Excerpt from my book
Our communication had broken down. I was going in a different direction in paying the bills than Maurice. We were not sure which bill to pay next. It came to a crash. We were going to lose our Townhouse.
I was discouraged insdie. I was hurting. I was having flashback. I went home to mom to think. I left the mess for Maurice to sort out. My legs were not working well and I came to a crisis point.
We moved to a smaller apartment. !~ A one bedroom. We sorted out our finances. We renewed our marriage vows. Maurice got on to Westons Bakery Full time.!
It was then I began my journey to work out my adoption and about my roots. I began to speak to my aunt birth mother and it didn't go over well. In fact she was not open to the subject.
I struggled with the word adoption. I was angry poeple had not been honest with me. was angry at the whole world. . I was angry at God.
I was discouraged insdie. I was hurting. I was having flashback. I went home to mom to think. I left the mess for Maurice to sort out. My legs were not working well and I came to a crisis point.
We moved to a smaller apartment. !~ A one bedroom. We sorted out our finances. We renewed our marriage vows. Maurice got on to Westons Bakery Full time.!
It was then I began my journey to work out my adoption and about my roots. I began to speak to my aunt birth mother and it didn't go over well. In fact she was not open to the subject.
I struggled with the word adoption. I was angry poeple had not been honest with me. was angry at the whole world. . I was angry at God.
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