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Kitchener, Ontario,, Canada
Mother Mugs was established May 2008 Author : Over whelmed by God's Grace Uncovering the Truth about Adoption


I hope that my poetry and writing will encourage you.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Straight from My Heart

Writing Positive outlet

Writing has been a positive outlet for me to express my feelings. For years I stuffed my emotions down inside. At least I tried to keep them down. I heard you must be strong and to be strong you must not cry. I tried hold in my tears in. The more I held them in the more my tears poured out . The kids at school described like a water well and told me I was a cry baby. I had kids taunt me in the school tell me I was a disgrace to the school because I cried. Those words pierced me right to the core of my being. They cornered me in the school yard. I was petrified of these kids I felt frozen inside as I didn't know how I was going to get away from these kids who were tormenting me. A teacher saw what was happening and told the other kids to leave me away. He scolded for being so nasty to me.

Stuffed emotions
I continued to stuff down my feelings and felt quilty because I cried. The more I stuffed down my feelings the more I began to churn inside of nobody cares about me, the kids laugh at me. I must not be a loveable person because of the teasing I had had thru out my school experience. I began to feel blue inside. At 12 years old I shared with a girlfriend that I didn't want to live. I wanted to take my life. She listened to me and it helped but the desire of loathing myself persisted. I shared my feelings with a visiting Pastor and he told me I would go to hell if I took my life. I guess it kept me from harming myself but I still had those feelings. At 17 I tried to hurt myself while riding my bike.

Foolish decision

I foolishly asked the devil to take over as I was fed up with life and the rules of the church. I felt guilty for saying this as well. I continued to push things and I began to become more angry wtih people and the church. People had hurt me. I had hurt people.

I had some prayer ministry and I had some relief. I still struggled with depression. I continued to seek counsel.  I started to heal.

Two years ago I began to stutter. I had a terrible headache that turned into a migrane. I had had some healing and I wanted to serve the Lord. I reached out for help but the person couldln't help me right away. I lashed out at this person and then I came to realize what I had done. I apologized. I then decided that this was not what God wanted me to do as I am so sensitive to the weather changes.

A friend helped me to sort out my angry feelings. I knew I couldn't cope any longer the way things were going. While in a counselling session She instructed me to get up and take up my body suit and mask I was hiding behind and step out. I stepped out into the light. I realize that I was a Princess a child of the King of Kings. I declared my loyalty to Jesus. I still have human moments with anger. I commit my life to Jesus and ask him to take control of my days.  I was tempted recently to break a dish when I was angry and it was like a shield between me and the dish I stopped.  I still have that dish.  I have come to realize that tears are a prayer language to God. He collects them in a bottle and pours them on us as blessing. I find I now can express my feelings and say I am angry, or when I feel upset when this happens.
A month or so later after my stuttering problem  I came to realize I was struggling with my worshiping Jesus. I felt stilted as I tried to sing. ONe afteroon after I had talked with a friend I realized I need to be filled with Holy Spirit. I asked the Holy Spirit to Fill me to overflowing. I did one more thing I received the Holy Spirit fillings. I started to babble and babble until the Holy Spirit poured the Holy oil on me. I was worshiping Jesus and I couldn't get even of Praising jesus. Not only did I start praising the Lord I started to see a change in how I interacted with people. I felt joy like I had never had before.

Put on the garment of Praise for the Spirit of heaviness.


Anita said...

You are in deed a princess Margaret, you are a blessing, and through your testimony and writing our precious lord is touching many lives through you.

Thank you for sharing your heart.


Lori said...

Margaret, Thank you again for your honest sharing. I personally know how hard that is. Thank God for the blessings of the Holy Spirit. ~Lori


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