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Kitchener, Ontario,, Canada
Mother Mugs was established May 2008 Author : Over whelmed by God's Grace Uncovering the Truth about Adoption


I hope that my poetry and writing will encourage you.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Straight from My Heart

I left some of these stories out of my book as I was focusing about my adoption
experience and I wasn't ready to share som,e of my stories. I guess I was a bit

It was Saturday morning . We had been married about a month. I was trying to do some house work and Maurice was near by wanting to help. I know some of you ladies would love it if your husband wuld be waiting to help you.

We were both in our 30's and were very use to doing things for ourself. Maurice had had roommates over the time he was single. Not me I had lived alone for six years in 2 basement apartments. I got up when I wanted on the weekend, did the dishes when I ran out of dishes or when mom came to visit and helped washed dishes. I went away on weekends. I was lonely at times but I also enjoyed time to myself.

As I said before Maurice was wanting to help. I wanted time to myself. I turned around and said Why don't you get lost for the day. I looked into Maurice's eyes and I could see the hurt look in his eyes. Maurice left and I continued on with my house work. A couple of hours later i was making lunch and figured Maurice would come home for lunch. No Maurice. Later into the afteroon and close to supper I became a alarmed. No sign of Maurice. Oh dear I thought what had I done? I phoned some friends out of concern. They thought we had had a fight. To be honest I hadn't thought of this as a fight.

This friend came and we drove around everywhere we could think of to find Maurice. Our search had been successful. I was so relieved to see Maurice and in front of this person I told Maurice how glad I was to see him. When we got home it was another story. I started firing out questions Why did you stay out so long.? Why didn't you come home at supper. "He quipped well you told me to get lost. I was flabbergasted. I had nver had anyone take me so seriously before this and take me at my word.
22 years later when I want some space. Why don't you get lost for a couple of hours and Maurice quips for how long. We laugh as he now knows to ask how long should he be out for.

Our earlier years continued in both Maurice and I adjusting each other. About 3 months later we had another moment of not communicating. I had just recently got my drivers license. I had wanted to have some space once more and get the groceries. I asked Maurice to go to the laundry mat. I dropped maurice at the laundry mat. I headed on my to the grocery store. I came home and was surprised that Maurice was not home yet. I was puzzled why he wasn't home yet. Again I had a friend come and help me look for Maurice. We drove to the laundry matt and there was Maurice waiting patiently out side with my laundry on top of the coke machines. I hadn't communicated that he could walk come with the laundry.
When I think back I realize how selfish and me oriented I was. I had always thought
about what I wanted when I was on my own. I had been looking after children in a private home care and when I came home I just wanted to look after me. I wish I could say that I changed after a couple of years. I didn't. I kept hearing from couples who had been married longer What about Maurice ? What about Maurice's
feelings. I would rebell and say what about me after I have worked all day.

In Our 11 year of marriage we had a pretty drastic change in our marriage. Finance had been tight for quite a while. In our second year of marriage Maurice's company factory went belly up. It put a pressure on our marriage. We were not sure which bill to pay first. Maurice was working part-time but work was unsteady.

We had just come thru the fire in December and had been home in our home for a while. I was struggling physically and I wasn't working at the time. As usual we were not Communicating well. Our relationship was strained. Maurice was paying some bills and then not telling me. I found it hard to keep the books.

One Monday morning I found out that Maurice hadn't been paying the rent on time and we could lose our townhouse that we were renting. I was devstated. I was angry and frustrated as Maurice wasn't listening to me. I aslo realize we needed to talk more about finances.

Maurice was at work. I needed someone to talk to. We needed help. We got help. I didn't realize how much I needed until I lashed out at Maurice in front of a minister and a Elder. I wasn't very quiet about it either.
A decison was made and I went home to stay with mom for about 3 weeks. I was livid., I was upset , I felt betrayed by Maurice. I also knew it was my fault as well for us getting in this problem. For a while I did think that it was Maurices fault.

i beat myself up in side and thought I was a wimp and stupid for letting this happen. I was embarrassed for a long time that we had let our finances go. How could I let our marriage get this way. the inner beat up continued on and on. I cried and cried.

One morning one of mom's caregivers was there and I told her the story. This lady wasn't shocked or surprised about it. She didn't even put me down. Pat said Magaret you are a strong person and you will get thru this. You have your faith. Pat was right I was a strong person and we did get thru this mess.

After a bit of counselling I felt that we had broken all of our wedding vows and so we renew our vows in our living room. The elder who had helped us and his wife and a bridesmade came and on December 23 2000 we renew our vows.

What a changed it was. A fresh new start. God opened the door for Maurice to have full time work at Westons. We continued to work on our marriage and there was stll some rough spots but we started on the road to thinking of each other.

There were relapes. One time when I was getting mom's house packed up in Port Hope Maurice was left on his own. He was in need of money. He was tempted to go his own way but relented and stopped. I had found the money in the account and had wondered how this money had come out. He didn't want to tell me what he had used the money for.
I had found other things that upset me but it isn't necessary to tell you. Maurice wouldn't tell me what he bought with the money. Maurice got so angry and he turned and opened up the balconly door and jumped from the first floor. He told me later it was farther down then he thought. I was afraid we were falling into old habits again.

A couple of days later Maurice went to talk with a friend at what happened. Quietly and kindly this man mentioned that he needed to grow up. When I heard this I realized I need to grow up as well. This is when our marriage changed. We started to think of each other and love each other as well.

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